Beginner's Pig Roast Tom & Kari

I must admit we have never tried this recipe, but it sure looks like fun!

1 friendly butcher
1 friend with electric spit big enough for pig
1 friend who knows how to butcher pig

1 electric spit and electric outlet
4 large pieces of sheet metal on angle iron to surround pit
1 extension cord
1 garden hose and water outlet
14 gauge galvanized wire pliers and cutters
3 pairs welding gloves
2 pairs vise grips (optional for holding sheet metal)
1 sledgehammer
1 shovel and mattock
1 wheelbarrow
1 garden rake
1 large pile of dry cherry wood
Little bit of kerosene
2 really sharp knives
2 pairs new white work gloves
1 pickup truck to transport spit
1 station wagon to transport pig
1 large folding banquet table
Newspaper and plastic cover to cover table
8 garbage bags
Phillips and regular screwdriver
1 splitting maul
10 concrete blocks
1 bag grass seed
Lots of cold beer
Sleeping bag for night before
Boombox or iPod or other music players
Change of clothes
Lawn chairs for cookers
Fifth of Scotch
Repertoire of lies and dirty jokes

Order one pig one month before "pig roast day" from friendly butcher; 1 pound per person, minimum 50 pounds. Ask friendly butcher to fill pig's stomach with kielbasa or chicken and to place one clove of garlic in each ham and shoulder.

Dig pit 12 to 18 inches deep to fit pig and spit one week before roast day; dig supplemental pit, 2 feet x 2 feet x 12 inches, nearby. Gather all equipment for pig roast.

Get up early. Hook up water hose. Two hours before roasting begins, fill main pit with wood to 12-inches above ground and start fire. While one friend watches fire, go pick up pig from friendly butcher who opens store early for you. Put pig on spit rod. Wire pig tightly to spit rod. Put spit rod on spit after flames are gone and fire is all coals. Throw switch on motor. Start fire in supplemental pit so will have coals as needed.

Watch pig cook. Drink cold beer and supplement with Scotch as needed. Roast pig 1 hour for each 10 pounds, minimum of 5 hours. Sheet metal keeps heat on pig. May be longer without. To see if pig is done, cut one shoulder and one ham to bone. If all white, is done. If not, keep roasting until done.

One hour before you want to eat, take pig off spit and put on banquet table. Use clean gloves to remove skin. Have smart friend butcher pig. Slice large portions as smart friend butchers. Serve pig while hot. Make sure it doesn't rain. As pig cooks it may slip on spit. Rewire. One day after roast, fill pit with concrete blocks so you don't have to re-dig pit next year. Cover blocks with dirt. Plant grass seed.

Serve with fresh corn on the cob, sliced tomatoes and green beans.

Serves lots!

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